I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
