just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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