More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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