So drunk its hurt
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
