Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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