dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
