I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
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I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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