dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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