she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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