When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
