Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All the doctor said was why
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
