We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
