i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
