I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
