He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
