The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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