you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
