I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
