Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
