I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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