I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
