I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize