This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
