I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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