guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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