you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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