he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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