I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
