I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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