and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
