I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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