Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
