So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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