Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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