I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
