Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
