normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
