ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
