VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
