All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
