I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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