Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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