He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
