im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Two words: blizzard sex
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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