bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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