Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
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I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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