sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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