I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
