i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
