I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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