worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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