I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
