Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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