The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i think my cat just said my name.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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