Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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