You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
