I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize