literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
