Say something about gay babies.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
