You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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