he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
