Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
