Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
