I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
