I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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