I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
